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BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a
good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2
weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job
today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your
soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or
anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me
or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia
together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I
have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what
you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant
whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a
hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just
like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from
because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when
I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2
tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens
for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always
wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a
dime from me.
So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.


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